Ghost Rider Sucks Ass! (Eric Catrman Style)

Saw 'Ghost Rider' over the weekend. Wish I had'nt!

As a child, I used to be a big fan of the comic book series, and was hoping that the movie would be sort of an X-Men'esque experience. I was wrong. Very Wrong!

The Story: When the motorcyclist Johnny Blaze finds that his father Barton Blaze has a terminal cancer, he accepts a pact with the Mephistopheles, giving his soul for the health of his beloved father. But the devil deceives him, and Barton dies in a motorcycle accident during an exhibition. Johnny leaves the carnival, his town, his friends and his girlfriend Roxanne. Years later Johnny Blaze becomes a famous motorcyclist, who risks his life in his shows, and he meets Roxanne again, now a TV reporter. However, Mephistopheles proposes Johnny to release his contract if he become the "Ghost Rider" and defeat his evil son Blackheart, who wants to possess one thousand evil souls and transform hell on earth.

Yeah I know it sounds good. The trailers looked good too. Unfortunately the movie isn't!

The animation is good, but there's just something about a guy walking around with a flaming skull, flaming hands, all covered up in a leather biker jacket and blue jeans which simply doesn't cut it!!! Add to that the fact that he's got some lame-ass weirdo's for enemies. Sort of a cross between Vampires and Cartoons... 'Vamptoons'!

All they mostly do is bare their teeth to try and scare a flaming skull! What does the rider to in response, throw fireballs (read: snowball's except they're made of fire) onto them! wait wait... it get's better; the rider/flaming skull's mood are determined by the color of the flame on his head - much like a dog's mood is determined by his tail wagging/not wagging! And much like a puppy dog, the rider's got the female (love interest) petting his blue-flamed head! Incase you didn't know, a blue flame is supposed to be more intense (read: HOTTER) than an orange flame, but somehow in the movie it doesn't do smack to humans!

Anyway, to sum it all up - Reasons why Ghost Rider sucks ass:

1. Nicholas Cage
2. Nicholas Cage with all the skin flamed off his bony self
3. Nicholas Cage with that weird-ass haircut
4. Nicholas Cage with the weird-ass Elvis impersonation
5. The fucking blue flame thing!

Reason why Ghost Rider doesn't suck:

1. Raquel Alessi (she's hot)